About growing up -just skip this one

I feel useless sometimes.
I can play the piano, but I can't even read the partiture. And I can't make a song. Yeah, no doubt about it. You said I can do this and that and this and that. And once you put me in the situation whereI have to do something that you thing I can do but in fact i can't do it well, my brain distorsed and I can't hardly sleep.

You said my english is good,but ooooh God, can't you see? This super duper bad grammar?
Even my lil cousin can do better!

however, now i'm feel like a half-grown bird flying.Trying to get out from the cage. Become a rebel. Turn to someone else, feels like no one could beat my temper. Oh, I don't like the phase to be grown-up.My stomach started to growling every time I have a chit-chat with the-6-vocals-on-it-names, try to throw up that feeling.Thinking about my future.
Lack of estrogen? yes please, if it can make me stop thinking about that, scrub it from my mind.
Is it normal?

And I started to be afraid to losing my friends in XE.
So weak, I feel upset now.

I am not okay,

What kind of feeling? I don't like this feeling. I can't expalain it.haha, feels like you wanna laughing and crying at the same time.
I don't like Sunday. As I grow up,Sunday doesn't feel like sunday. Sunday feels like a preparation to face any problems on the whole weeks that you will face. Especially when it comes to evening, gosh. I don't know. Tastes like a murky cloud. Feels like your head will play a memory about every single thing you like but you just can't hold it.

Oh, like you went to somewhere you liked but you didn't want to go home, or you spent a time with person you loved and don't want to end so fast. And I missed my old friends so bad :'(
Seems like I'll get a nightmare tonight.

yeah?

I don't like the fact that i growing up,
and the fact that my hair is growing long everyday and so on and so on.
I hate the fact that i can't meet my old friends everyday, i don't even have a chit-chat with them everyday.
I hate the fact that i have to take a responsibility as a sister, the fact that i have to keep on the right track.
I just, i don't like it for sure.